You ain't got nobody.

Bad things usually come in a group,they love teammates.

Bad things don't just come easily, but when they come they make sure they come in a group. Fluctuation of my mood makes me feel exhausted. I feel extremely happy for thing I shouldn't be and right after a minute I feel down because I know I'm fooling myself.

I tell myself that he actually has something on me, and right after I have the thought I feel like being fooled, by myself.

I tell myself, not to expect ,not to think, not to want anything from him but after that I will just sneak out to aim what is he doing, or what shirt does he wear today. I know the only solution is with me, I'm the only one who can make every suffocation goes away but the thing is I'm still hoping still wanting miracle to happen but in fact miracles only exist in fairy tales.

Strangled by emotional shits, and here come the importance of my life. My degree program. I thought I could enter the college I want and switch my course as my result is allowable. However, things don't just go smooth every time. I still need the confirmation from UK that whether I can study at their college and take the degree program of their University. Besides that, I just got to know that I have to repay my PTPTN student loan since I'm not studying for 6 months.

Previously I was worried about the tuition fees I'm going to pay for the degree and now I have to worry about the PTPTN. I work 8-12 hours per day just for my studies and I get to buy nothing to pamper myself. 

LIFE YOU ARE LIKE A BITCH, TO ME. WHY EVERY BAD THINGS JUST COMES AT THE SAME TIME?

When it comes to decision......

Life is hard. Erm, should be humans are greedy. At first you'd say it's enough or I'm contented if I got a job. When you finally got that job, you will try to seek for higher pay.

This is what I'm facing right now. But the situation isn't exactly the same as I mentioned.

I was told that the salary is xxxx. But after working for few days, they only told me the salary is xxxx. It's a total difference of RM400. It may be not a huge number to some of you but to me, it matters to me way a lot.

I've to work hard for my degree tuition fees, I ain't a rich girl or born in a rich family. I need to do or get things by myself sometimes. My mum has done too much to me, way too much and I feel bad to be like that , its like 20 years old girl still need mum's allowance. 

Maybe I should feel guilty, maybe I shouldn't. I was ignorant at first and now I found out the salary isn't as high as what they told me should I give up on it? to go for the higher pay.

Why am I so soft-hearteddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd.

I can't get rid of it.

Every time I decided to get rid of something or forget about something and moved on,there must be other reason that makes me feels there's still miracle ahead. But in fact, there isn't. It's like something strangles around my neck and just won't give me a break.

If it continues to be like this, I think I would be insane and paranoid on everyone who comes near me.

what I can say is, my god,please bless me. D':